Things Have Changed (Part 1).

In his book “The Hardest Working Man In Show Business”, Ron Jeremy revealed (heh) that in the mid-90s that he performed as “Blisterface” in something called “Bone Chillers”, which believe it or not did not turn out to be a really, really strange porno.

What came up when we Googled “Bone Chillers Porno”… eek.

What it did turn out to be, however, was a Disney childrens television show. He explained that, as the monster character, they layered him under so much makeup as to be completely unidentifiable and left him out of the credits to avoid scandal.

Now, if you’re old enough to drink and your children aren’t, you: a) should keep a better eye on your liquor cabinet, and b) are right around the age that, in your childhood, you probably caught an episode or two of “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”, a chaotic childrens variety show centered around a houndstooth-suit clad man-child with a funny haircut and funnier voice named Pee Wee Herman who talked to his furniture.

It’s also possible that your non-legally drinking kids and their greasy little friends have probably tried a little pot. While doing so, they have probably perused one of the many critically-acclaimed Cheech And Chong movies. One of said movies, “Nice Dreams”, invloves a plot revolving around one Howie “Hamburger” Dude, a houndstooth-suit clad man-child with a similar funny haircut and voice that loves cocaine, rants about being a hamburger, and winds up in a mental institution, where he may or may not talk to the furniture.

So, somewhere along the pitch making process of this show, an executive had to decide, “…wait, that cokehead escaped mental patient from the Cheech and Chong movie that steals all the money with a fake check? I can’t see anything wrong with making a kids show based on that character!” Essentially, it’s as if the family-friendly sitcom “Full House” had been retro-fitted to where Danny Tanner was an extension of Bob Saget’s character in “Half Baked”

Did daddy tell you two about the time he s*ck*d d**k for coke?

Actually, on further reflection, that would have been awesome too.

Believe it or not, the show turned out freaking genius. A theme song composed by Cyndi Lauper and Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo, soundtrack by Danny Elfman and The Residents, a pre-dreadlocked Rob Zombie as a production assistant, and a cast including Phil Hartman as a sea captain and Morpheus as a jheri-curled cowboy… It was a totally insane televised shrine to weird.

Pee Wee, I’ve brought you out here to tell you about… The Matrix.

The original edginess of the character payed off as well, with veiled subtle entendres thrown in the dialog to create the most cross-generational humor seen since the Bugs Bunny cartoons of the 1940s.

Oh and did I mention a ton of ample cleavage?

Unfortunately, after an indecent exposure arrest, Paul Reuben’s kid’s show career was ruined.

I’m gonna come back to this topic, and discuss other kid’s shows with premises that would have never been approved now.

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