“If there were no Benny Cemoli, we would have to invent him…” Philip K. Dick, If there had been no Benny Cemoli

Blogger Netwerke Transmission Stardate 2/12/2-double-aught-3:

I want to stop consuming fast food. I don’t even like the food. But I keep finding myself at the drive-thru. At the counter. When I pay the person at the register, I feel a sudden urge to flee, without my food. “You’ve got what you want!” I want to scream, “just let me be!!!”. But there it is, lumps in a grease-stained bag that I eventually choke down. Buy the ticket, take the ride. I am not a statistical average. I watch less than 4 hours of TV a week. I try not to listen to commercial radio, and even then only in my car, captive. In-CAR-cerated audience. Even if I was to shut off the radio, I have to contend with the thirty foot tall deathburger that pops up in my peripheral vision every mile and a half. They say obesity is related to self esteem. Every 5-8 minutes comes 4-6 miniature lectures on how my life is substandard. Incomplete. What is the solution? Fast food. Food brings warmth. Calories are a measurement of heat. If my girlfriend kicks me out of her apartment at 11pm, at least I know Wendy’s will stay open until 1am, every night.

I go to the department store; there’s a miniature McDonalds in the back. I go to another department store, there is a miniature Burger King. At the mall, I have a Wendy’s, a Long John Silver, 2 McDonalds (one at each end), and a Popeye’s Chicken as well as 2 more Burger Kings and a Whataburger in the parking lot. At the gas station is a Kentucky Fried Chicken, a Dominos Pizza and a Taco Bell! (in the same space). How convenient. As I head to work I count off: 1 pizza place, 1,2,3..4 burger stands, 2 pizza places, hey a Taco Bell, another pizza place, a chicken stand…the hell with it; I haven’t even went 3 blocks.”

Think about that when your fellow worker complains about frivolous fast-food lawsuits.

Did you know that children develop brand-recognition at 24 months? That the kid’s meal you bring home will determine his/her eating habits for the rest of their life. Taste has always been a matter of perception. There is no such thing as a universally attractive scent or taste. Attraction or repulsion to tastes is entirely based on experience. As a small child with the kids meal, your brain links the fun of the toy, the smile on mom’s face, the bright funny colors, and the friendly clown, and the shape of the logo to the taste of the greasy, nutritionally void food.

At Halloween, you can dress your baby as McDonalds french fries or a Whopper sandwich with the flame-retardant costume at Wal-Mart.

Think about that when your fellow worker talks about frivolous fast food lawsuits.

Enjoy Orange Alert.

Signing off from Blogger Netwerke…